the PUB

The Mission

2010-02-01T08:24:00.000-08:00

Close your eyes. No really close your eyes. Wait, not yet. When you close your eyes after you read this first paragraph, think about what heaven looks like. Ok, now close your eyes for 25 seconds.
Where was heaven? Who was there? What kind of surroundings did your picture of heaven conjure up?
I hope that you closed your eyes. J
I have been a follower of Christ since I can remember. I was taught, as I have written about earlier, a different type of faith, but nonetheless I was guided to follow Christ. However, it’s only in the past few years have I really questioned my faith in a real and devastating way. I use devastating, knowing full well the implications. These month I have called on my past experience and knowledge of faith and doubt to work through my issues with the resurrection of the Christ. It is my thought and belief, in fact, it is central to all faith. Maybe you already knew that, maybe you didn't. With this new found reality, I feel it has some huge impactions for the rest of my questions and brings with it some new responsibilities. One of the impactions of the resurrection is, if it brought the Kingdom of Heaven to earth, then we must, change our thinking about Heaven and Earth as two distinct "places." It’s so Greek to think that Heaven is in space and heaven is disconnected from earth. It's funny. NT Wright says, "Part of getting used to living in the post-Easter world, [the resurrection] it changes your life, your attitudes, your thinking, your behavior...Heaven and Earth are made for each other." The Kingdom of Heaven at certain places intersects earth. "Christians are meant to be such points."
This isn't a metaphor; it’s not just a good explanation of how to think about heaven.
Our mission is to bring Heaven to earth. Sure, there are places that we can't bring it; however, there is a place which you can—Your Life.

Sooner than Later

2010-01-27T06:29:00.000-08:00

The common belief and view I was taught in my younger years says, that salvation is about my personal walk with Christ and my life is focused on getting to heaven, in the future, after my death. It’s not until recently, the last 5 years, I have been thinking and reading about a new kind of Salvation–a different perspective on what "being saved" means. Once I started rethinking my ideas, I soon found out that the new kind of perspective changed everything. It didn’t just change how I live my life but how I treated the guy behind the bar to the sucka who cut me off on 635. I was taught that I needed to be nice to people, follow the law, and be good. I had a list of things to do and a list of things not to do. It was basic. I did all these things in order to find my ultimate peace after death. The ultimate goal was Heaven, leaving earth, leaving my physical body to decay and being with God. In my view, the church as NT Wright says,"[with this view] the main work of the church is bound to be seen in terms of saving for that future."
This simply isn't what the New Testament says about salvation or the Kingdom of God.
"Salvation is about the entire person, not just the soul. Salvation isn’t simply about the future, but includes the present. Salvation is what God does through us, not merely what God does in and for us."
When Christ came to earth, he brought the Kingdom. Through the resurrection and ascension of Jesus, we see the point of the entire story of the Bible. NT Wright puts it like this, "They are designed not to take us away from this earth but rather to make us agents of the transformation of this earth...." Remember the Lord's Prayer, "Our Father who is in Heaven, Glory to your name, Your Kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven....” The Process has started! From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible speaks about God's purpose to reclaim the brokenness of the entire cosmos. His plan includes those who follow Christ. Just as in the covenant with Abraham, God blessed Israel so they could bring blessing to the whole world. With this end in mind, our future actually starts sooner than I had been taught. Let us build the Kingdom.

More Thoughts on N.T. Wright

2010-01-11T08:37:00.000-08:00

"Redemption doesn't mean scrapping what's there and starting again but rather liberating what has come to be enslaved." N.T Wright
In Gnostic thought, the soul longs to be taken out of the evil wickedness of the present world. The Gnostic would say that the 'ontological' is what truly matters. The earth is evil and the heaven is a good and righteous place. Following with this idea, our redemption would come with our death and exit to heaven. On the flip side of this, there are some which would proclaim that progress would make this present world a good place, a type of social justice. Recently, I feel there as a big push to this social justice and progress will lead the way to a global redemption. Surely, the past 150 years in the United States has emphasized the individualistic hard working model of progress that would bring about a better world. What we need is education, some would say. However, evil is still present. There is no peace in the Middle East. N.T. Wright says the answer of redemption comes to us as Paul writes in Colossians 1, where creation holds onto redemption. "[Redemption] is the remaking of creation, having dealt with the evil that is defacing and distorting it. And it is accomplished by the same God...through whom it was made in the first place."
With this knowledge, you can see, it changes things. I grew up thinking that I was to live a life good enough, and accept Christ to be MY God, repent and do good until I die so I can make it to heaven. I realize that this is a basic child like description which surely has its roots in sunday school, but how many of us live our life like it? How many of us hold on to our past and think to ourselves that me must change before we can be accepted in to our grace of God? Or how many followers of Christ when asked about a future hope in heaven, revert back to this Gnostic idea of heaven and death?
As you can tell, at least from my viewpoint, I think this has dramatic ramifications. N.T. Wright, makes one of these ramifications as being a bodily resurrection, he says, "Redemption doesn't mean scrapping what's there and starting again from a clean slate but rather liberating what has come to be enslaved." And because of the analysis of evil not as materiality but as rebellion, the slavery of humans and of the world does not consist in embodiment, redemption from which would mean the death of the body and the consequent release of the soul or spirit. The slavery consists, rather, in sin, redemption from which must ultimately involve not just goodness of soul or spirit but a newly embodied life."
In addition to this new reality of life in the midst of death, it should go without saying, the death and resurrection of Christ has drastically affected the way we live our life. It has drastic effects on the way we view our sin, our failures, and our evilness as a people. When we focus on the cross it is the act where creation is brought back into harmony with the wise creator, redemption.

Thoughts on "Surprised by Hope"

2010-01-04T06:09:00.000-08:00

Started reading the newest release from one of my favorite aurthors today, N.T. Wright, Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church.

"Crucifixion meant that the Kingdom had Hadn't come...Crucifixion meant of a would be Messiah meant that he wasn't the Messiah."

Put yourself in the shoes of John, Peter, and James. You left your entire world behind. Everything is in this coming Kingdom lead by the Messiah, God's chosen one. Your leader, speaks of this coming Kingdom daily. Heals daily. As you travel with this man, your faith builds. You are ready to bring this earthly Kingdom to rule for all the peoples of the world. (Remember, the people wanted to be free from the oppression of the Roman empire and be given "their" land back.)

On this particular monring you are with Jesus and he is taken away and soon there after, he is Dead. Can you Imagine? All your hope is destroyed. Everything you thought was right, is now clearly wrong. Crucifixion means you lost. Your fear and disbelief builds and soons begins to eat away at your faith. You are now one of the crazy men who followed the man who claimed he was God. Crucifixion meant of a would be Messiah meant that he wasn't the Messiah.

Live in this place for a while. Put yourself here. Pray for weakness.

Light and Dark

2009-11-03T06:26:00.001-08:00

The light shines. The sun rises and the sun sets. Life is full of light and shadow, to borrow from my boy Crowder. There are times of life. Times of death. Joy and happiness. Darkness and grief. Can we only have one side of the coin? Wouldn't you agree, both are needed? When the shadow's and darkness comes, we have a place to look to, a place to remember. I have been thinking lately about the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God is here, not a distant event that we are looking toward. However, all to often my philosophy of life doesn’t resemble this radical truth. Life isn't about getting by and being good in order to get into Heaven or pay for the deeds of your life in Hell. When we think about our life in these terms, it has devastating effects. Your life matters. My life matters. Our lives matters today. The Christmas season is right around the corner. I hope we remember that the Christmas season is less about family and gifts and time away from school but signals a much bigger meaning. The this meaning is all to often overlooked, even here in the Bible belt. Christmas is when the Kingdom of God showed up, the word became flesh. All the claims of the Old Testament were fulfilled in this coming king, the chosen one. This changes things, right? Let that sink into your soul. Christ came as a baby, walked among us, used women prostitutes, the Samarian’s, the poor, the outcast, the homeless, the worst citizen’s and challenged the church leaders and the people that had it together. Christmas signals this new world order. A new way to look at things. Get the picture of your childhood church out of your head, we weren't taught this in Sunday school (at least I wasn't). If Christmas signals this change, Easter has new and dynamic meaning and ramifications as well. Easter calls us to remember Christmas night. The Christ came, and then died. But death couldn’t hold the kingdom down. It is this that gives us hope. This hope points us to this new world order. We are called to repent and remember. But please realize that our repentance doesn't precede our right action or faith. Your faith isn't yours, it was given to you. God loves us, not when we are at our best, but at our worst. Give up trying to change yourself. In giving up, finding yourself in the shadows will lead you to the light. Realize that all people have good and bad, in all of us. There isn’t good and bad people, we are both. Two sides to the same coin. God help us to live in this kingdom. God help us keep from living for our death. God help us realize our faith isn't our own. God help us realize we are not in this alone. God help us.

2008-04-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been accused of something you simply did not do? One of my first memories is when my family went out on our weekly trip to the grocery store. At our neighborhood grocery store there was a giant stand with thousands of different kinds of candy. Along with the candy, there was a scale and tiny white bags, you would pick the candy, weight it and bag to pay for it at the front of the store. Every time I would walk by this display, I would stick my hand in the huge pile of candy (the candy was individually wrap!) and think to myself, "wow, this is so much candy!" There is just something about having enough candy to cover your whole body...
On this particular day, we walk by the display and I did my usual routine. However, this time I left my hand in the pile a little longer, long enough for my mom to start down the next aisle. Just when my mom left my line of sight, I quickly ran after her to catch up. To an onlookers, I am sure I could have slipped a piece of candy down my sleeve and that is what I was accused of by an "old lady". She stopped me and said, "You stop right there! Open your hand, I know you have candy in it!" I looked up at her, with my over sized, deep blue eyes with dismay and opened my empty hand. I was young, but even then it hurt my spirit, in a way that hadn't ever happened.

I think the point here is not about taking stuff that isn't yours, but rather how we confront those people in our lives that have done wrong. I have done it myself. Confronted boldly and argumentative, I know there response even before there mouth opens. In some way its my way of saying, You are wrong, and I am right. I have seen good friendships deeply hurt beyond repair.

The truth, we all have done wrong. We have all taken. Are we not all guilty? There is a need for confrontation, we need to be asked the tough questions. However, "You stop right there!" Might not be a good place to start.

life is hard

2008-03-16T07:31:00.000-07:00

Every summer from age 6 to 12 my family would go to six flags. I loved these trips. I loved riding the roller coasters but I also loved watching the roller coasters follow the track. It sounds crazy, I know. One particular summer, driving home after our annual trip to six flags I told my dad I wanted to build a small model of the Texas Giant out of toothpicks. My dad asked me why, my response was, "because I like it!" That really wasn't why I wanted to build a small replica, but that was the only reason at the time I had for my dad, but thats not the point. After a few chuckles from him and telling him when I grow up I am going to work at six flags and spend all my money at six flags he told me, "I don't think you will do that, when you grow up roller coasters won't be that important to you, but if you want to build a replica I will buy some toothpicks!"

Over the past three to four years I feel like I have "gown up." I have to say that roller coasters have not been that important to me, in fact I couldn't tell you the last time I went to six flags. However, the message I hear from dear old dad now, is in fact, still true. During our development as real "grown ups" our life takes dramatic turns and somewhere our childhood begins to fade and the pressure of adulthood creeps in. Not that all childhood is good and all adulthood is bad, but there is some childhood tendencies which are good and needs to be kept and some aspects of adulthood needs to be embraced.

The past week, I have been hit in the face with the cold reality know as adulthood. I have been reminded that life is not easy, its hard and its not fair. It takes a lot of work not to be depressed, or maybe it takes a lot of work to be level and contempt. I was talking to someone yesterday and he told me, "life just gets going and you feel really good, then all of the sudden it catches you and kicks you square in the groin!" I have to admit, in my short 27.8 years of life, my life has followed a similar model.

So before you get depressed and exit out of your web browser and never visit this blog again, lets talk about how we can rally together and magnify those when we don't feel defeated.

I have a seven step plan to change the way you feel about yourself.

Are you serious!?

I can't tell you the anger that starts deep down in my bowels when i go by the self help section of the local bookstore and see all the books about steps and ways to make things better for you. (The numerous books confirms that all people follow the model i am setting forth.)
Chances are life is not going to get any easier. Oh wait, we are supposed to be "rallying together."

Needless to say, I don't have a proven seven step plan or some romanticized concept to help you when you been kicked while your down by the pressures of life. All I can say is that the few moments of each day when you do feel like your life matters and you are excited about the possiblities as small as they may be, embrace them. Try to recreate those moments. Maybe its a song you hear on the radio that captivaites your soul and the words embody everything you want or need, buy the song and write down the words and mediate on them. Turn down the lights, turn of the TV, set the blackberry down, light a candle and read the words out loud. Correct me if I am wrong, but is that not what David in the Psalms did? There is something spiritual about music. All music, not just Joyful, Joyful we adore thee.

Those small glimpses of euphoria and deep spiritual experiences is worth fighting for.
And if music isn't your thing then go buy a box of toothpicks.

Mendel

2008-01-28T12:43:00.000-08:00

Did you know Mendel, the "Father of Genetics", did not receive any acknowledgement with his work on the garden Pea for nearly thirty-five years? If you don't know Mendel, you probably first learned of him during middle school Biology. He was an Austrian monk who used the first model system, the garden pea plant, to unlock the foundations of what we now call Genetics. He came up with four postulates that directed further thinking about Genetics. Why is it every time in History that a new way of thinking or idea is discovered the general population turns away in disgust? Mendel is just one example, there is a long list to pull from.

I feel that the question has been asked and answered time and time again. And its an easy answer. However, I don't really care about the answer. However, I care a great deal about the question. (I am post-answer generation :) I hope that when I come across a new way of thinking, be great or small that I don't turn my head is disgust. Maybe, I think it is, the secret of discovering newness. Newness can be found everywhere. Let's not add to the list!

starting over

2008-01-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

This Monday signals the start of the 2008 spring semester and with it comes routine. There is something supernatural about routine. Everyday, back your bag, drive to Denton, listen & learn, drive home and study, study, study. Only to redo everything just as the day before. Routine, contrary to popular belief, will free time and allow for great possibilities and creativity. Yes, there is something spiritual about routine.

The Jews, by their routine, experienced and ushered in Holiness by routine. However, there is another side of routine, a darker side. Routine, Holy as it may, can lead to apathy and laziness. Routine without passion is truly a tool of the evil one. The Question is how do we keep passionate about the routine of our daily lives? One way is to look at routine as anything but eternal. Does this mean that routine changes? HA! By definition, its a French root from route, meaning road. So you see routine is not an end in it self, but rather a means of destination. Maybe routine is the thing we shouldn't change, maybe we need to change our destination.

Does this make sense?

Relationships and Jesus

2007-08-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

After witting this, I went back to reread and I am not sure how I rambled onto community from a nursing home to love, to knowing Jesus, but I decided to post it anyway.

I visited a memory care facility yesterday in order to get my grandmother moved out of her home. During my visit to the upscale nursing home, I toured the grounds and viewed not only the space, but also I was introduced to nearly half of the tenants. I met several people that thought I was there grandson, and many more that thought we had met just a few days ago but couldn't recall my name. I met some that were very happy and i met a few that had eyes full of tears.

After leaving the building I began to think of the sayings of Jesus, "...the world will know us by our love." And, "...if you love me, you will obey my commands." The people that I met, and my Grandma alike are becoming like, if not already, infants needing care night and day. Infants need to be cared for and there development depends on, relationships.

Jesus knew that truth was not found in religion, but rather would be found in a person. Jesus knew that one day, I would come along and strive to fill my head with knowledge, do the right thing, live the right way and chastise myself when I fail. He knew that I would be pushed away by my own rules and shortcomings. It is for this reason, he separated himself from the religious leaders and lived out true relationship. Jesus offers me relationship before rules and commandments. This relationship is found inside a community that lives life together. A community that eats together, plays together, laughs together, cries together and hurts together, learns together, forgives together. rebukes together and rebuilds together. Community is quintessential in knowing Jesus.

Do I have this type of community? Have I really invested myself in those in my inner circle?

2007-08-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentrary affliction is preparing us for an enternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannnot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal.

Endurance is one of the great and most strenuous of Christian virtures. We fall short of Paul's call to live Jesus' life in our bodies. Further, if we urge institutiional structures to carry Jesus' life and death in their bodies, we open ourselves to ridicule, affliction, and recrimination. How are we to remain hopeful when the world supports empires propelled by violence, enmity, and wordly power? Paul's answeer is that living with Jesus made visible in our bodies is its own reward. it strengthen us against affliction and sings of enternal life.

Foster, Spiritual Formation Bible

Down With IE

2007-07-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to post for some time, but every time I found my muse.... I could not log onto blogger. Today, I installed Firefox and bada Bing!! I'm in.. So Sit back and relax. To all my faithful readers the day has finally come!

Shalom

Beer, cigarettes, cards...

2007-05-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

For the past year and or so I have been going to a bar to play cards and drink some frosty brew. At first, my trips started becasue I liked playing cards and I had several "real" friends. I still go becasue I like playing cards, but recently I have been experienceing a forming of a "community." Now, my "real" friends have stopped going and I am left with people I would never normally meet.

The past few months have been very intresting in the sense of forming community. I have found myself in deep converstions dealing with deep issues with my new friends. For the longest time, I just played and consumed beer, now I am still playing, still drinking and maybe helping push back the darkness. Please don't get me wrong, I did not go into the place as an undercover missionary, I didn't have a poket new testament.

Since I have been going life has been lived, not only in my life, but also by the people I find myself around.

a party

2007-05-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

"but when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind and you will be blessed" Luke 14:13

There is a guy at the gym I go to, and he is completely blind. Every time he comes into the gym-- I get nervous. No one ever racks their weights and I am just waiting till he trips and all hell will break loose. I say all this, having a huge party and inviting all these crazy guest is just crazy, scary and not easily done. All to often we are pulled towards the easy. However, we really must fight to say on this edge, the way of Jesus.

Our community must work towards this goal. Its a constant fight to stay on this edge.

the risk

2007-05-10T06:25:00.000-07:00

Finished up two chapters of Soul Graffiti and already its giving me tired head with the topics he dances with. The second chapter paints a story of a middle aged mainline pastor that one day had a 2nd rebirth. He began to ask himself questions, "What vaules did I choose to live in a safe and affluent community? And how did I not see that teaching of Jesus has something to say about our responsibility to the oppressed?" His questions caused him to confess, " ...disregarding Jesus as a teacher, I have been quilty of prepetuating unbridled nationalism and racial and economic injustice." While reading his interdialgoue, casued me to stop and think and wrestle with my own desires. I was reminded that I must fight the darkness in my own journey toward security and prosperity. I was reminded that faith in Christ, is much more than a set of codes and daily practices. More than Sunday Serivce. I must engage in a deep devotion to the cause of our God and King. Where can I seek to be healing to others? Where can I seek to clothe the naked? Where can I give drink to the thirsty? If Christ is truly my God and King, then these things can not merely be ideas or even a worldview, but they must began to take shape in dramatic ways.

What if we take the messages of Christ in a real way? How would these well known statements treat us with if instead of reading them, they read us?

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor." Luke 12:33

Just the past few weeks, I have heard a deep calling of my soul to recall where my money goes and how/what I spend it. Followed closely behind this thought, is the fact that I must stop just thinking about doing all these 'radical' moves and actually flesh my beliefs out in the world around me. So now I am left with my unrest. So what do I do, should I sell my book shelf, Futon, and desk and give it to the man on 380 I see everyday? I mean I am going to sell that stuff, but I was going to pay for some other trinquet that recently caught my eye. All I know, is that I am thinking about my life in future terms--- BUT the reality is that my life is going by quickly.

"Love your enemies and do good to them." (luke 6:35)

Ok, swallow my pride and severe those that steal from me--- this is ridulous.

Rather than knowing these profound facts and statements we slow down and allow the reality of them to overwhealm us.
"It may actually be more healthy to be disturbed, confused, or searching than confident, certian, and secure." Mark Scanndrette

Soul Graffiti

2007-05-02T16:05:00.000-07:00

I just recieved my new book, Soul Graffiti by Mark Scandrette. I am very excited about this book and hope to ramble on the topics discussed by Mark via the Blog. (That was a tease....)

Trying to get back in the mode of writting, to say the least-- its been hard. Its been hard to stay committed to much of anything, I don't know why. Maybe its just my soul's way of mourning or maybe my flesh--- can the soul and flesh weep together?

I had a dream last night, and it was centered around my dad. He came into my room and we began to chat about the buisness and other random facts I can't really recall. This dream was different from the past dreams (I have had three dreams about him) in the sense I knew he had died. The eariler dreams, he was still alive or had come back from the other side. This dream, I knew he had died and we talked about the afterlife. He told me, that he was stuck here in the house and he needed my help to get him out in order for him to get to the "other" side. I know, this is really weird--- I have never really dreamed about my mom (died in 93) but I have had three dreams now about my dad.

Is it my mind trying to work through the grief I am feeling?

Wondering about the after life.

Great news

2007-04-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks I have not posted because Blogger screwed up my password-- but I am back... so look forward.

community

2007-03-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

I read a blog every other day by Alan Creeach. Its good, read his brief but powerful thoughts on Lent.

"As I live, says the Lord, I do not wish the sinner to die
but to return back to me and live."

This is the essence of Lent - God's Mercy. God's Love. God calling us back to Himself. The open wounds of Christ calling us to enter them and be transformed by the Life flowing in His Blood, in His Body. How can we not answer that call? It's time to spend 40 days focusing on His call and our response.

From Alancreeach.com

Faith and the soul

2007-02-27T20:17:00.000-08:00

Being Certain and being faithful, in my mind are two different ideas. The book that I am trying to finish for lent, Renewing the Center, by Stan Grenz comments on this idea of tension in the Christian faith. After giving it some thought, I have to say, there is a great deal of difference between these two ideas.

I believed during my developmental years, I was taught that there was no difference between certitude and Fidelity. We were certain that our faith was completely true and that "we" had a market on the authentic faith. My parents did not set out on a mission to bring these two ideas together, but it was part of the fabric of our life, mainly because the church lead people in this direction.

So what is the difference between having certainty and having faith? I believe, there is more of the soul involved with faith. There seems to be more "room" for the movement and fluidity with the idea of faith. However, this seems not to be the case in most congregations in America. There seems to be little room for exploration of doctrine and doubt.

Do you see a difference in the two ideas of certitude and fidelity?

Lent is a time to search deep, a time to question, take your time in your question. Put your sackcloth on, put ashes on your faith and look, search deep.

Living well, holding to enternal things, searching for true faith and wating for God.

lament

2007-02-26T15:51:00.000-08:00

My Psalm

Lord, you are good. Not only in the good times, but also when things are bad.
I cried to you, did you hear me?
I wrote, I talked, I prayed, I lived, I fasted, I wept. Did you hear me?
I know life is not all about me, nor is it all that I can see. I know you are present when all I feel is empty.

Do you hear me? Do you hear us?

I prayed for healing, I wept for healing, I still weep for healing. Did you hear?

You have done great things in the past, but my heart is hurt now to the point where I can't remember your goodness. So I will wait on you, full of doubt and anger.

Lord, will you come?

I wait.

Day 3

2007-02-23T15:57:00.000-08:00

One theme, that kept coming up in conversations I had with my dad during the last eight months of his life was that he wanted his life to count. "When you go through something like this, your mind continues to go over and over your life and seeking out the true meaning your life has stood for" he would say. The other thing that continued to emerged in conversation, was the idea of Forgiveness. On several occasions he proclaimed to me just how much God was showing him to be gentle, and being a forgiving person with those around him.

This Lent, in the middle of our reflection, let us look around and pursue forgiveness. Forgiveness in our world in which we live, is commonly given lip service, but rarely lived out. Our culture lives in what Philip Yancey calls, "the ungrace." Forgiveness is never the first thing we think of when someone crosses our path and hurts us. Forgiveness is not easy. However, forgiveness is eternal.

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Pictures. Jewerly. Clothes.

2007-02-22T19:35:00.000-08:00

I was going through some of my dad's stuff tonight and I came across a box that contained my grandfathers things. There was a watch that my Grandfather always wore, along with several rings, a few ball caps and a old custom wood box made for a dearly beloved set of ivory domoines. The next box I came to was a box of my mothers' things. It too, like my grandfather's box, held jewerly that me and my brother gave to her as young kids and several pictures. It was a difficult time. I was trying to sit and not hide from the pain, but really allow the feelings, tears and loss wash over me because I knew somewhere in the middle of the heartache, the Father was seachng and wanting to speak to my spirit. As I was siting, waiting in silence it hit me; I too will be rededuced to a box. As I dicussed yesterday, our life is a blink, in just a few generations we will be but a memeroy, and soon we will be reduced maybe to a single picture, and then we will be forgotten. We will be a great-great-great grandfather that once worked on personal computers or once started a church.

So here is the application of being merely a blink, the things that we hold dear to our hearts, the things that this world offers, the Flat HD TV's, the Rubicon Jeep's, the chasing of the "American Dream", the benjamen's, these things will be sold, broken, used, and everything you acquired will be reduced to a box.

One day, not to long from today, I will draw my last breath and someone will greive my loss, they will take my things, use the things that they want, keep the things that spark a memory and give away things that can't keep. I will began to be forgotten. This lent, let us look past just the "moriality" issues and get down deep into your soul. Dig into yourself and find out what you are chasing. Live your life for those eternal things, seek to spend you money on enternal things and love those things that are enternal.

Ashes to ashes dust to dust.

Hands full of ashes

2007-02-21T15:32:00.000-08:00

Today is Ash Wednesday. It is a day in the Church where we are to look inward into our souls and see just what we are made of and what our life represents. Ash is applied to one's head to remind us that we are but a blink and our Hoilness isn't enough to covver our sin. Also, Ash Wednesday signals the start of the lenten season. Briefly, lent is a time where one tries to identify with the last days of Christ, through suffering by going without certian things. This season, I want to DO somethings I haven't done in the past. For the next 40 days I am going to try and write a blog each day, attend church every week and finish a book I started last lent (tongue in check).

Day 1 of lent.

My life has been difficult. I am positive that I am not alone in this proclamation. Surely you can relate with me. Surely you have tasted guilt? Surely you have tasted disappointment in yourself, others or God, or even maybe all three? Surely you heart has been heavy, wether it been know or not know you have seen reality of Sin playing out in the world around you, havent you?

When Dad died, it seemed so surreal. I just kept looking at him thinking, "Oh my God, he isn't here, he isn't here." No more talks, no more hugs, no more 'hey dummies' no more Dad. Still it seems that he will be home when I take my lunch my break.

As I am struggling with the finality of death, I have so many thoughts about life and death in life. The line between life and death is thin. One mintue Dad was breathing, the next our home was full of weeping and heartache and Dad was gone.

Today, Ash Wednesday, we are called to realize that we are but dust, full of sin and soon will return to earth as dust. This year, this idea is no longer just a idea but a picture of which my mind can recall. While we are dust and full of sin, we too are being renewed by the inner workings of the Spirit. Though our bodies are already preparing for our last breath, our spirit is being renewed and refreshed for our coming Glory. Yes, we are dust, but in our death we are being pulled into eternity. This is where we look forward to Easter morning. We look forward to the suffering that Christ went through, fully knowing what happens 40 days from now. For now, we remember to put ashes on our face and look deep into our souls and evaulate our life remembering we are dust. There will be a time for rejoicing, but don't go to Easter just yet. We have a lot of soul seaching to do. Will you search with me...

January 7, 2007

2007-01-17T15:49:00.000-08:00

My Dad has passed away. Honestly, I don't think it has hit me yet. For now I am thinking deeply about life and death, love and hate, anger and joy. It is a hard time. It is a hard time.
I am looking forward to writting about life and death in the coming months.
For now, I will leave you with the notes I prepared for his memorial service.

Psalms 24 (introduction to the temple)

Tom Ray was my Dad. However, he wasn’t really mine, he was loaned to me and my family, from the Father. Today we grief his loss, but please hear me, its not a empty grief. It’s a grief filled with hope. It’s a grief full with expectation of something better. We grief today, but its not empty. Today we hope in and remember the resurrection that swallowed up the law of sin and death. Today is in fact a celebration. Today we celebrate as a community not only the life of tom ray, but also the fact that the resurrection is all of our future. Let today refresh your commitment to our God. Let your spirit be romanced by the songs, the words, the stories, the pictures, the life. Take a breath. Inhale. Exhale.

Truly, when I talk about my Dad, there is so many things I want you all to know. I want you to know he was a good man, but I bet you already knew that. I want you to know that he modeled what a Godly man should be for his family. He was our Spiritual leader. I want you to know he would read the scriptures to me and my brother every night. I want you to know that he woke up every morning to read the word, pray for me and the rest of the family (I think he was praying that I would move out!). I want you to know he was an honest business man who wanted to grow his the business but not the expense of the relationships he had made. I want you to know he was a simple man, founded by strong principles and a living and active faith in a loving God.

Some of his famous quotes, that I am sure will live on with and my family…

“Get a good job and a good education and you can buy your owe…”
“I am talking about the “R” word”
When I was whiney about school/work he would say “Do you know how many times I missed work/School I can count them on one hand!”
“True religion is helping the widow & the orphan, being a voice for the voiceless, knowing God and making him known.”
“I am what you call, a Business Man”
“Phillip, stop that…”
“George Bush”
“Midnight Cry”

Long talks about the church and how we should be the church.

Things he loved…
“Hot Dr.pepper?”
“Buying uneeded power tools”
“Playing Softball”
“Watching wheel of Fortune”
“Working…
“Eating cinnamon rolls from Panera—we shared this love!
“He loved Guatemala, he loved the people of Guatemala, he loved to serve…
“Buying cars---“
“Buying electronic Devices” if it had a on switch he wanted it.

Its hard to think of Dad and not to mention Carolyn. For he was a lover of Carolyn. I was able to see how A Godly Man treated and romanced his bride (often times I told them to get a room)---I had a front seat to watch two souls over 12 years turn into one. I saw Jesus in Dad. I saw Dad, Love His Bride, Just as Christ loved his Bride, the Church. I saw Love in action.

Just as I saw Christ in Dad, I too saw Christ In Carolyn. Throughout this whole process, I have tried to keep up a weekly blog on just my thoughts.
I would like to read one my entries from my blog from this past summer.

Jesus lives in my house. I see him every morning as I go through my morning routine of waking up half past nine, drinking coffee, catching up on World Cup news. When I get home, he is there. When I sit down to eat dinner and watch wheel of Fortune, He is there, often times eating with me. Sometimes he even helps with laundry, cleaning, and even jumps into conversations with me. I see Jesus every day at my house. My dad sees Jesus every day too. Every morning after my dad's shower, Jesus touches his body and packs his wounds. As he is packing his wounds, he prays and sings over his soul giving confront and peace. Jesus lives at 3101 Dunes Pl and services us daily.

If you want to see Jesus just look at my step mom, everyday Jesus uses her hands, voice, and soul to serve my Dad. With every meal cooked, prayer prayed, and wound packed she becomes more like Jesus.

John 13
2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He took his clothes off (totally exposing himself, which for a Jewish man was total humiliation) pulled his water and washed their feet. For the son of man did not come to be served, but to served.

Today, I know Jesus in more real way.

Today, We are losing a friend, a brother, a son, a father, a husband. We have lost, and our hearts hurt deeply, as they should. However, I think it would be a greater lost to miss this opportunity to see Jesus this time of such pain.

I believe God hides in difficulty, He hides in the stories of our lives. Whatever our circumstance, whatever the status of our lives, God is present===Invisible, hiding, waiting for us to discover him, waiting for us to learn from Him in the shadows as well as the light.

Let us grief, let us grief well.

Desperation leads to faith. Faith is berthed out of desperation. Hope is a call of the heart and mind for something better, and to hope for something better you have to believe there is something else out there.
Christ never leads us to security. If anything, Christ leads to more desperation. So why does anyone want to be lead to Christ? Is it because we will have, "Life with out end?" Or maybe, "one day those that have been our enemy will pay for their sins against us who are inside of the cult?" I would venture to say that Christ leads us to a place where we are ruined. We have been given a vision of an alternative life that we are invited to live NOW, not some faraway battle straight from the left behind series. Christ, out of our desperation, leads to a invitation to become co-creators with him on this glorious planet that he created. Its out of our "ruinedness" that we take part in proclaiming the richness of this alternative life.

No, there is no security, and no you might not have success. No, things won't go your way. Its not a membership, a democracy, or labor union. This alternative invitation can't fit into those models, its something different. No, you don't have to become "one of us." There is unity among the diversity. So what exactly is this alternative? Its messy, its up and down, and its filled with good and bad times. Its true community. It’s a group of people that hurts, laughs and lives life with you. The requirements? First, you must be broken. You can't pretend to know it all (people in the Bible already did that and they ended up killing Jesus). You must be totally desperate. You can cuss, drink, be gay, and be adulteress. You Must be a lover of lust, greed, and all other kinds of wickedness. You must be one that invents ways of doing evil. But above all you must realize you are all these things and you are desperately tired of not fitting into any mold. You must be desperately wanting something more.

Desperation leads to hope, hope leads to faith, faith leads to Christ.

2007-01-06T08:29:00.000-08:00

This week has been one of the roughest weeks my mind can remember. It has been a week in which I wake up every morning hoping I have had a terribly long dream. Everyone has had those dream where you dreamed your pregnant, or you just were diagnosed with AIDS and right when reality is about to settle in its place, the alarm clock rings and the dream is swept away along with the prior nights fears. However, today in this moment, I find myself very much in reality. With every morning and every alarm clock sound it gets more and more real. With the increasing reality the more challenging the days become.

Right now, the Chaplin for Hospice is visiting with our family. Just the word alone Chaplin conjures up rusty, old and out of date themes in my mind. The Chaplin is just that from the outside. He is a gentle man in his late 60's. He asked to talk to me and I prepared myself for a conversation about death, Jesus, faith and a random verse from Romans. We sat down and he opened up with Romans 8, I braced for what I knew was coming next. However, to my surprise Romans 8 was all he had for me as for the cheesy conservative euphemisms. He did tell me that I need to find where God is working and "get on board." He said things like, "Be on the cutting edge of God." When he said, "Cutting edge" I smiled, just a gentle respect smile. Then this old man said something so profound. "I preach and preach but its seems not to work, the Church is not following God, I don't know the answer but I believe its somewhere on the cutting edge. Then my mind began to explode with ideas! This old man, a follower of God, senses the change on the horizon. Now that I am writing this it doesn't seem to mind blowing, but to me it was. I guess because it came from an unexpected source at a unexpected time.

Global Terror?

2006-12-12T12:23:00.000-08:00

Morality—Global Terror
Life as we know it depends on cycles. Every morning the sun rises and we roll over, hit our alarm clock, and jump into our daily routine. Our routine or cycle gives us comfort and frees us to live our lives. In the same way, our world is dependent on cycles. The earth is on a 24 hour cycle which spins around the sun every 365 and ¼ days a year. It is this cycle that gives our seasons. In the summer months we experience the warmth of the sun and in the winter months we feel the strong bite of winter.
These seasons keep our world working together like a perfect symphony. And like in a symphony, if any instrument is off tune, then the entire peace of music is pulled out of tune. There must be balance. All of history has enjoyed this song—this balance. The topic of Global Warming is in fact the signaling of an out of tuned instrument, which is causing this highly orchestrated world that we all call home, to lose its balance. Global Warming is in fact a global terror. If left unaddressed, this unbalance can have drastic effects on earth bringing life as we know it to an end. But, Global Warming is not so much a political problem but more of a moral issue within society.

What is Global Warming?
As the earth rotates around the sun, we receive solar radiation and the planet is heated. Some of the heat is absorbed while other radiation bounces off and is trapped by the atmosphere. This trapped air is essential to the planet as it keeps a relative stable temperature that is needed for life. However, in the recent years there has been increased consumption of fossil fuels. When the consumption is coupled with a decrease of Photosynthesis due to deforestation, we are left to a growing amount of Carbon Dioxide in the environment. Carbon Dioxide is known and widely accepted as a Green House Gas which, by definition, acts as a blanket trapping solar radiation heat, thus causing an increase in the global yearly average temperature, called Global Warming. Like in the human body, when temperature is affected even by a few degrees, the body responds dramatically with chills, aching, and fatigue until the temperature falls back to the normal range. The earth is very similar in this regard, once the temperature begins to rise there are drastic effects that can be seen in environment such as heat waves, glaciers melting, and even recent studies show emerging viruses. We are tied to this cycle around the sun in its normal and unchanging form. Our life, body and world depend on the balance of seasons.

The key Players
But what causes Global Warming that would be considered of moral significance? A key player, as stated earlier, is the recent increased consumption of fossil fuels. Fossil fuels are primarily hydrocarbons that are created through the decay of plants and animals. When the natural decay of pants and animals has been broken down by the Carbon Cycle the result is the production of fossil fuels deep in the soil (eg. Petroleum, coal, etc) sometimes, released by way of Methane gas. From the time of the Industrial Revolution, 1750’s, humans needed a reliable source of energy, fossil fuels were found to be cheap and vastly available. However, history as our witness, the leading edge of technology always needs to be guarded with cautious restraint and diligent research. Over the past thirty years we have turned away from such research and caution. Now we are faced with a problem of Global proportions.
From the 1950’s, the rise of Green House Gas has been on the steady incline. Not only due to the use of fossil fuels but also deforestation which is another key player in Global Warming. The decrease in photosynthesis for the expansion of our human economy and production has caused several natural-man made disasters. For example, in 2003 the entire continent of Europe was stricken with a heat wave. This heat wave consisted of higher heat for a longer period of time than ever on European record. Globally speaking, since time of records, the ten hottest years have all been in the last 14 years. Recent data from both polar ice caps have been released claiming that the ice sheets have already began to split and separate, breaking off into the ocean. Many, if not all, of the scientific society attribute the polar ice caps breaking off, to the elevated oceanic temperatures. A consequence of the breaking ice caps, if left unaddressed, would raise the ocean level by 20 feet world-wide. Naturally, this would have catastrophic results.

Misconceptions of Global Warming

Among the world’s countries, regretfully, America is among the top contributors to the out of tune instrument – Global Warming. The reason America leads the world in the problem of Global Warming rather than the solution is lack of knowledge and misconceptions about the facts contributing to Global Warming. The first, which is trivial when one looks at the logic behind the thinking, is people believe that Global Warming is directly tied to our economy. They believe we have to choose between environment and economy. Al Gore once said, “What gets us into trouble, is not what we don’t know, but rather what we know, that just ain’t so.” Judging by our need for energy specifically in transportation and communication it may be easy to jump to this conclusion. However if life as we know ceases to exist, which would be the final product of Global Warming, then there is really no need for economic growth!
The second misconception is there is a great deal of division among the scientific community. However, a recent study claimed, among the scientific community, nearly all parties involved agree that the current weather cycles and recent rise in emerging viruses, all directly correspond to the rising Carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere. Unfortunately, there is a great deal of knowledge gap between science and the American public. This opens the door for our leaders to stand in the gap and relay the vital message of what to do about this serious problem.

Solutions: Tribal vs. individual

One of the advantages of finding solutions to Global Warming lies near to the general public. In addition to writing new laws and mandating new guidelines for Carbon Dioxide emissions, one does not need to be a political leader to be a power player in finding a solution to Global Warming. There are several important areas which an individual, requiring little time or work, can have drastic effects on Global Warming. First, find ways to recycle more. A family of four can save 2400 hundred pounds of Carbon Dioxide production if they recycle half of their yearly household waste. Secondly, by using less hot water on clothes and extended showers. Interestingly, an individual can save 500 pounds of Carbon Dioxide just by change to a low flow shower head in their home. Also, by turning off electronic devices which are not being used, called phantom volts, DVD players, stereos, computers, and printers a household can save thousands of pounds of Carbon Dioxide a year.
All of these small elements, if applied by everyone, add up to a huge savings in the production of the harmful Green Houses Gases that have already begun their destructive pattern on our planet. So while the politicians do what they can in creating laws and scientists do what they can in researching solutions the general public is now left with a moral responsibility in the solution.

2006-12-03T11:20:00.000-08:00

wrestling with God

2006-11-13T16:38:00.000-08:00

Read Genesis 32

I don't know what your personal feelings about this text is, but I have to say it is very odd. However, it does paint the story of Jacob-- always struggling for blessings, with man and God. Jacob was full of fear that his brother was out to get him for taking his family blessings. The schemer, Jacob, flew into action mounting up gifts for his brother in oder to save his life. After all the gifts and stuff he had acquired had been offered, Jacob was left with a prayer for God to remember the promises he had made with Jacob. Night grew close. Jacob isolated himself. Can you picture the distress Jacob was in that night. Full of fear that his brother was going to kill him. He replayed the memories of how he stole his brothers blessings over and over again in his mind. He was terrified.

Jacob wrestled with God until he "blessed" him. Little did Jacob know, the blessing was coming, God had not forgotten Jacob.

Me and Jacob, in many of ways, we are a lot alike.

2006-11-03T15:32:00.000-08:00

walking. waiting. wanting more.

You know sometimes life just seems to catch up with you and you fall to your knees and scream, "Come and get me...undo all the wrong that is in this world, provide for the poor, adopt the orphan's, heal the lame, Lord, Come and get us, truly save us."

Have you been at that place lately? If not, its coming... How do I know this? Life will find you out, pain will seek you out, sin will be revealed. Sin finds us all. There is no escape of pain, from most righteous to the most wicked. We are bent, broken and pain will find us.

Its in these times I am used up, spent, I find something, I can't exactly put my finger on it, but something happens to my soul.

Take today for example, I am sitting at chipotle my mind is wondering (thanks for sitting in silence with me connie) about God's justice. Across the restaurant, I see a crippled man who is in a wheelchair, unable to move any limbs, saliva coming from his mouth and I think to myself, "God, why can you take this from him..." Before I can finish this thought, a older man walks up to this middle age man in the wheelchair and begins to feed this big dirty burrito to him. I bet if you ask the older man, maybe this guys father or friend, why he does what he does, his response would have been something along the lines of, " I do this cause this is what I do, he teaches me to live, he is everything to me." Right, we have all known somebody like this. We have all seen extreme makerover Home edition. We all know, that life is lived most when we sacrifice something. When we help the poor, care for the lame, bring the medicine of laughter to someone sick, help a elderly woman buy groceries, we see just why Christ hasn't taken us home yet. I believe its in these time of great stress and great pain, where the sin of the world is heavy on our soul, that Grace is being revealved through the love of Christ for the whole world. No doubt, pain will find us, but followed closely by the Grace.

I almost feel like I should explain Grace. When I think of Grace, I sometimes envision a church sermon and an alter call where Grace has been hijacked by a Baptist minister claiming God's doesn't want to send you to Hell, but will if you don't come down to the front.

Grace, in my mind is the love of the Father being showed to you through the pain that is in this world. Grace is the color of the paint that our life is created with, its something that you can't get away from. Its all encompassing, its engulfing, its renewing, its truly is a mystery. We are the Grace Givers. We are the one's who with are very lives get to bring God to life in this world. We, the Church can bring the Kingdom. Let us, groan with all creation and usher in Heaven. Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

Red Ridding wagon

2006-10-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

Red Ridding wagon

I was one two yrs old and on the edge of entering eternity. I had a 104 degree fever, my spine was swollen and my brain was losing the ability to communicate to my organs. I had full blown menigittis. There was little hope. The prognosis was, if I lived through the night, I would not be able to talk, hear and have severe learning difficultiy. My parents did what any normal parents would do, went to the chapel and prayed. They cried out in anger. They cried out in despair. They cried out for answers. Several nights passed, I was in ICU dancing the line between consinseness of life and the reality death. Somewhere among the desperation, somewhere in the anger, somewhere in the tears, for a reason I still don't understand, my body began to function normally. In a matter of hours I was speaking, walking and laughing.

Why did I get better, when so many with this diesease often last merely days? Why does God intervene sometimes but not always?

I realize that I am asking, "Why?" And I have always heard [Christian's] aren't allowed to ask this question [maybe because its a dangerous question, it may lead to other questions, first we start asking questions like "Why" then me might began to rethink everything] and if you do then you are spiritual immature. Call me what you want, but today I am asking "Why?"

My first time out of the ICU, after my body began to work, I was pulled in a red wagon by my father though the Hospital. So my dad is in the hospital and I outside his room for what ever reason, there is a red wagon waiting to used. Tonight, my soul is dry, and my heart wants to pull my dad through the hospital, body restored.

God give me a child like faith, make me immature and let me ask the tough questions that I may never know the answer to.... tonight give us the ride in the red wagon.

Walking through heartache

2006-10-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

We had a special speaker last week at church. The sermon covered the story of Jonah. I do realize he wants to help people and he is doing his best. However, this is my blog, and I know that there aren't many people who read this so I am going to rant for a while.

Last week I came to church, angry at God. I left angry at the church, still with my anger at God. I was told that the anger with God, "Regardless of the situation" that the source of any anger is pride. What I need to do is ask for God's saving Grace. Then once I give my life over to God's will, never again will I be angry at God, because I will be a man after of God's own heart, and life will be easier, living with God's will. What happens when I give my will over to God, I lose all emotion and I sink into the body of Christ losing my own identity.

Have you read the Psalms lately? Have you seen David in the despair? Some of the most helpful Psalms (in my mind) come out of frustration of David's Heart out of the absence of God in his life.

Life is hard, full of pain and Sorrow. There are moments of peace and grace, but it has been my experience that Life is very difficult. The last thing that people need is the Church claiming that life is easy and once [you] accept God's will life is a magic carpet ride. During the sermon the Phrase was given, "Regardless of the situation, the source of your anger is pride." Pride is a counter the life of Christ, this I know, but we can not speak words that are a sweeping generalization of people's problems.

I believe in our anger we are lead back to the love of Christ, anger and all. Maybe the anger in our life is the catalyst which pulls us into the story of Christ. And lets face it, anger is a reality that we all live with each and everyday. I think its fitting that in the story of Jonah is our story. We are the people of Nieviah. We are Jonah. Regardless of the situation, God is among us, living and active. God's blessing rains on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Continued faith

2006-08-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

The mystery of life is key to the building our faith. I ask the question, "How would you gauge your faith?"

I guess the answer depends on what chapter of life you find yourself. Three years ago, my answer would be completely different than it is today. In life, the waters flow down a steady stream, at times the waters are relaxing and peaceful and at any moment the still waters can become violent and adventurous. Is our faith only strong when the waters are still requiring only little of us? Is our faith weak only during the raging rapids?

Let us get beyond the lies of western churchy mind set that seems to think no matter where we find our raft, we have a smile on our face and always singing Holy, Holy, Holy. If we are really honest with ourselves, there are many times when we look at our life and think, "There is no way I am going to do this..." How do we gauge our faith?

Maybe faith is holding on with all our might during the rough parts, screaming, and at times dropping the "F" bomb, then afterwards looking back and saying, "How in the Hell did I make it through?" Then, you realize the aches of your muscles, the bruises on your hands and the heat from the sunburn and proclaim simply, boldly, humbly: Holy, Holy, Holy (Where the hell were you?) is the Lord God Almighty.
Faith sneaks in, under the radar and catches us at just the right moment.
Its mysterious. Its captivating. Its moving..

Bringing the kingdom

2006-07-28T13:12:00.000-07:00

"By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you... [We do not] live by the standards fo this world. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight are not the weapons of the world. On the contray, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up agains the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ Paul, the apostle

I have been thinking much about spiritual battles and all the evil that I constantly dance with. This afternoon I started think about how I try to fight this battle with anger being the source of power and triumph. Just today, I was thinking the "quiet revolution", to borrow from Brian Mclaren, of how we are to overcome evil with good, anger with love, despair with hope and lies with truth.

I then realized I am trying to fight this "battle" with doing the right things or using my own "power" over the evil one. I have had it all wrong. My battle is much more sublime than rough, tough warfare. My battle is in the little things. My fight, is to give freely in love. I push back darkness of despair by serving those in need. My goal is to love those that hate, bring peace to those that fight, and be a voice for those that have no voice.

With every day I am becoming more and more convienced that the Gospel Message, from the start is packed with Political ramifications. The Jews were awaiting the Great Warrior to knock out the powerful Romans and set up an earthly kingdom. The King did come, but instead of wiping out the Romans and killing them, he was killed by the Romans.

The Gospel, the Kingdom of Heaven, is built on the unexpected.
Bring the Kingdom.
Speak Faith to those areas of your life that seem hopeless.

learning to be simple

2006-07-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the coffee shop once again, finding my self watching a 4 year little boy twist and turn in his chair. He, just as all little boys, talk where everyone can hear and continues to ask the same question over and over again. I was in the middle of reading my book, when I heard the voice of God speak through this little prophet. In his high pitch screaming voice, "Tell me please, Daddy!" Tell me please, tell me! As I continued you to hear the dialogue between father and son I soon found that the family was on vacation and they had a big day planned for this little man. He was excited and could not contain his excitement any longer.

Oh, to be a child again. Ridding in the back seat of life, packed with excitement, questions and energy. To eat, drink, sleep and live everyday with faith that tomorrow is a new adventure. Where your mind is packed with concrete ideas laced with the understanding that anything is possible. Oh, to be a child. To live in a world that is free from all the grown up "laws of science" and sophistication that debunks life all to often. No wonder why Jesus wanted to be around the children.

Lord, make me simple minded. Give me a child like faith.

tis so sweet to trust

2006-07-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

"Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus" was the first song we sang last night at church. The song was then followed by the verse on the projector screen for us to read from Matthew where Jesus tells about how our heavenly father provides for the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, and by knowing this information we are called not to worry, but live today for all its worth. I was speechless. For the first time I heard God speak to me throughout this whole ordeal. With my eyes closed, I could see Jesus come down in front of me take my head in his hands and whisper to my spirit, "I hear your prayers."

I hear your prayers. That was all I heard, it is all I need.

God will provide. God will come. God hears our prayer.

Hands and Feet

2006-07-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

Jesus lives in my house. I see him every morning as I go through my morning routine of waking up half past nine, drinking coffee, catching up on World Cup news. When I get home, he is there. When I sit down to eat dinner and watch wheel of Fourtune, He is there, often times eating with me. Sometimes he even helps with laundry, cleaning, and even jumps into converstaions with me. I see Jesus every day at my house. My dad sees Jesus every day too. Every morning after my dad's shower, Jesus touches his body and packs his wounds. As he is packing his wounds, he prays and sings over his soul giving comfront and peace. Jesus lives at 3101 Dunes Pl and services us daily.

If you want to see Jesus just look at my step mom, everyday Jesus uses her hands, voice, and soul to serve my Dad. With every meal cooked, prayer prayed, and wound packed she becomes more like Jesus.

John 13
2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He took his clothes off (totally exposing himself, which for a Jewish man was total humilation) pulled his water and washed their feet. For the son of man did not come to be served, but to served.

Today, I know Jesus in more real way.

the sweet smell of healing

2006-06-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Dad had a high fever for several weeks, but the doctors couldn't find the source of infection. We prayed. We prayed that God would come quickly, give dad a rest of the high fever. We Prayed that the fever would break and the infection would come out of his body. We prayed the Blood of Christ on the infection. We Prayed that the healing light would infect the infection.

Today, Dad was at work when healing started and our faith had to swing into action. In the blink of an eye, Dad started to smell a very distinct odor. It wasn't long till the odor overwhelmed me and filled the tiny office of Pro Solutions. Dad was worried, as was I. He stood up and the wound that is still opened for healing purposes, began to leak a fluid that was the source of the odor. It was traumaic to say the least, for a moment time stood still. The foul odor was dead cells leaking from his body, dead infection. We drove home windows open, fluid leaking and Dad's spirit low. What Dad didn't know, the foul odor was the smell of Healing. The infection that was inside of his body was now running for cover outside the body. The odor that is still present in this office, was the sweet smell of God's spirit overwhelming the body.

As we drove to the house to re-pack the wound, all I could think of was how the smell seemed so bad, but really not seen to the eye, the smell was the chemical denaturing of cells that was the source of the fever. What our senses saw and smelled as bad was the exact opposite of what was really going on. Faith, not looking at the circumstances, but trusting in God, for the unseen reality of this world. The unseen reality of tiny cells dying. The sweet smell of healing overwhelmed me today.

What foul things are there in my life, that actually God is using for my good?

Faith. Hope. Love.

Rest in the healing hands of the divine.

a promise

2006-06-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

Holding on to the work that was promised. This is the cry of my heart. This past few months have been so long and painful, yet full of growth and renewal. We have been at the top, at the bottom, full of light and hope, and at the deep dark pit of despair. But one thing remains, God's promise. The promise of God never leaving, yet always providing and giving hope. I am learning with each new day, I can't wonder far, from God's hope, for without it I am truly overtaken by despair and depression.

O God, Hear my Cry, Forsake us not, Lead us by your hand, deliver us from evil. Glory and Praise are yours, you command the winds and water from your voice. Speak to us and give us ears to hear. Selah.

a line marks the spot where faith and life met

2006-06-02T13:26:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day. Today my dad is arriving back home. After a month in Houston recovering from surgery, he is back. No doubt bruised and sore, but with a new perspective of life. You see, its times like this past month when one is forced to stop and think through the corners of one's mind. To stop and think about life, faith, God, family, sin, sacrifice and how these dance together.

He has a new scar, its down the middle of his abdomen. Yes, its a scar where the Doctors went inside to take part of his organs away and to examine his body. Its also a scar that gives a picture to how our faith is being built. I guess you could call it our Ebinezier. Its our stone that we look at and remember where God intervened. As we run our hand down the stables and feel the cold, hard stainless steel, we remember where we cried out to God for hope, where we waited on God to hear our prayer, where we waited sleepless night longing for God in the pain, in the weariness of our souls. No, we realize that this is not over, there will many more stories of faith, hope and love, but for now, we thank God that he is home. We thank God for giving us strength. We thank God for showing us that we can't do alone. We thank God for allowing us to be weak, tired, and mad. We thank God. Today we stop, take a deep breath, lift our head, open our heart, and sing; Holy, Holy, Holy is the lord God almighty. Today we thank God.

Our family has a new scar, a scar that we find hope in.

College Soccer PIc

2006-05-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

Tightest Pic Ever...

hope

2006-05-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

"...but this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness, The Lord is my Portion. says my soul, therefore I will hope in him."

"The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." ~Ancient Hebrew Prayer

But in this time of waiting, I have hope. The more I wait, the more I expectantly wait to see the Hand of God come, my faith continues to be strengthen. At times my body is tired, and despair is close. However, when despair is in my bed, its the spark that igintes my spirit and I experience hope. I experience God.

My Prayer is that God, by his gracious loving hand set this hope in me, that I may be free. That I may be Pure and Holy. That I may be like him only. That I may be free. Set this hope in me. Overwhelam my senses, touch my emotions, heal our minds and body, renew our strength. Though you are silent, your hope has inspired our endurance.

moving beyond

2006-05-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

my psalm

2006-05-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

We arise early to meet you, we arise to meditate, we seek your face.
We come before with fear, with hopeful hearts, egger to hear your voice.
We tear our clothes and wait.
We long, our body grows faint, we run on empty.
We wait. we wait. we wait.

Have you forgotten about the prayer of the faithful, when will we see the arm of God? When will you remember your afflicted one? Do you ear our groans, do you read our blogs, do you know the pain? How long Oh God will you remain silent?

O God we remember your faithfulness to the people of long ago. We remember the parting of the sea's, the manna from heaven, the raging rapids of the Jordan. We remember you are creator, we remember your sacrifice.

Now oh God, we will wait, our hearts our steadfast. We will remain silent waiting till you show up. Give us enough to make it today. We wait for the kingdom to show us a face, we wait to see story you are writing.

With hopeful hearts, with tearful eyes, with a faith that is building.

Wait on the lord, oh my soul. wait on the lord, oh my soul.
Surely God will remember us. He is faithful and true. Be strong and take heart.
Wait on the lord.

community

2006-05-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

My family is split up right now. Half is in Houston the other half is in the Dallas area. Because of life, bills, and obligations we all can't be together. This is left me with some hard times. However, it has left me to find strength not in myself, for I have none, but in the community, the people of God. No, I don't know anyone from my church, but those I have found myself living around this past year. If I am honest, I haven't heard from God, it seems he is miles away, however His people are very near. They have appeared sometimes in email. They have appeared sometimes by voice only. They have appeared through text. They have offered a hug, a beer, a prayer, a game of poker, a truck to help with my dad's company, a tear, a ear, and even a grade of "B" (namely, Dr. Marshall, Chemistry Prof). They have asked questions, they have wanted to engage in my pain, and even my Dad's pain. They, YOU, have been a people of God. Sometimes they don't know they are performing Holy acts of God, and sometimes they do. This, my friend, is the community of God, the church on a heavenly mission, as God told Abraham, "...to become a blessing to the whole world, to the Ray family."

Wanting room

2006-05-08T06:26:00.000-07:00

This morning started early. We arrived at the hospital around 5:30. Soon after we arrived, Dad and Carolyn were escorted back to the pre-op area, leaving me with the bags of stuff to fill our time in the family waiting room. This waiting room is mysterious. I can't help but think of the person that sat in the chair I'm in today, yesterday, or the one who sits in it tomorrow.

As I sit here I look around and see 40 to 50 other people all representing a father, mother, friend, aunt, uncle, daughter, son, co-worker and Friend who in some way is affected by this terrible disease. There are many families in this room. There are many stories in this room. There is much faith in this room. We all have something in common in this room; we all want something better. This waiting room is a Holy Place. Maybe not to everyone, but to me it is. There is love in this room, I can taste it. There is faith in this room, I can see it. There is Hope in this room, I can sense it. We are in this waiting room, living with each other. Waiting room, wanting more.

Emergent

2006-05-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

Reading through my normal blogs today and came across a great artcile by Andrew Jones. Check it out.

"I witnessed a terrible accident last night. It was really dark and a pedestrian was hit by a car overtaking our public bus. The guy was still alive when the ambulance took him but i have been praying for him all today. The bus driver was really shaken up and i think God had me there at the scene to be a source of comfort to him. The ticket lady at the terminal let me tell my story to her - she became my minister. we all minister to each other.

By reading these words, you are ministering to me.

Accident scenes witness the amazing self-organisation of emergent theory. A group of strangers become an instant team of helpers, suddenly collaborating, stepping in to lead with giftedness and talents, stepping back when not needed. One knows first aid. Another stops traffic. One calls the ambulance [that was me] No one under orders and yet order emerges within seconds. Its a frightful, horrible, terrible thing to be at the scene of an accident like this and I wish it on nobody. And yet it is moments like these when people become their best and the human community under God finds wind, finds love, justice, hospitality, selfless giving, and acts like the community that God desires."

Desperate

2006-05-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

Desperation leads to faith. This was the cry of our church yesterday. A hope for something better leads to a faith, which in turn leads to Christ, 'the fixer of our life'. Maybe this wasn't the point of the sermon, but I think some could have took it this way. In my mind, Faith is berthed out of desperation. Hope is a call of the heart and mind for something better, and to hope for something better you have to believe there is something else out there. Lets review, Desperation leads to Hope, Hope leads to Faith, Faith leads to Christ, and Christ leads to security?

This, as I believe our preaching minister would agree, is totally misleading. Christ never leads us to security. If anything, Christ leads to more desperation. So why does anyone want to be lead to Christ? Is it because we will have, "Life with out end?" Or maybe, "one day those that have been our enemy will pay for their sins against us who are inside of the cult?" I would venture to say that Christ leads us to a place where we are ruined. We have been given a vision of an alternative life that we are invited to live NOW, not some faraway battle straight from the left behind series. Christ, out of our desperation, leads to a invitation to become co-creators with him on this glorious planet that he created. Its out of our "ruinedness" that we take part in proclaiming the richness of this alternative life.

No, there is no security, and no you might not have success. No, things won't go your way. Its not a membership, a democracy, or labor union. This alternative invitation can't fit into those models, its something different. No, you don't have to become "one of us." There is unity among the diversity. So what exactly is this alternative? Its messy, its up and down, and its filled with good and bad times. Its true community. It’s a group of people that hurts, laughs and lives life with you. The requirements? First, you must be broken. You can't pretend to know it all (people in the Bible already did that and they ended up killing Jesus). You must be totally desperate. You can cuss, drink, be gay, and be adultress. You Must be a lover of lust, greed, and all other kinds of wickedness. You must be one that invents ways of doing evil. But above all you must realize you are all these things and you are desperately tired of not fitting into any mold. You must be desperately wanting something more.

Desperation leads to hope, hope leads to faith, faith leads to Christ.

Early Service

2006-04-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

Today I sat down at the same table, at the same coffee shop that I go to every Sunday. I go here to get alone, (isn't it weird that I go to a public place to get alone...) free from homework (sometimes I do homework..), free to read my books and think about life. Partly to reflect on the past week, and partly to reflect on the upcoming week. Its my time. Often times it is uneventful; I read, I eat, I drink and I leave.

However, today is just the opposite. Have you ever broke down crying in a public place, while listening to someone else's story sitting across the room from you? Today, I did. Its this group of older sunday church goers, you know the ones that go to the "Early Service." Like me, they come every Sunday and sit at the same table. I often overhear them talk about the usual chit-chat that "Early Service" attenders talk about; grandkids, their stock, the sermon, and the lack of respect of the younger generation. (Thats not totally true, but I am sure it could be) However, this Sunday was different, maybe not their conversation but maybe just what I heard. As I was setting up my computer, I heard the phrase, "Liver and Surgery" followed by the phrase " Did you hear what happened?" My ears perked up and I was struggling to listen in on the conversation I was not apart of. What I heard next, completely painted a picture of a faraway land my eyes have never seen. It was like a spark to my imagination. My faith was taking over my senses; taking me to a place where hope and life meet. It was Divine.

Lets listen to the story, "It was the night before the surgery to take out 70% of John's Liver, he had been struggling with cancer for awhile. Well, (thats the connecting word senior citizen's use all the time) the night before, John was laying down in his bed when he woke up completely wet from his own sweat. He immediately got up and began to walk around and cool down. After Nearly two hours of continous sweating, exhausted, he went to bed and eventually fell asleep, still completely soaked. The next morning, he arrived to the hospital and after all the paper work and prep work, he was finally rolled away into the OR. The procedure was planned for 3-5 hours. Wendy, John's wife, was in the waiting room just settling into the uncomfortable chair of the waiting room when the doctor came back after only forty five minutes." Of course, Wendy expected the worse, she stood up to meet the doctor halfway. "I just knew the worse happened, I don't know what happened to my faith, I just expected the worse" Wendy told the group. The doctor, with a lump in his throat, pronounced, "I can't explain what happened, but there was no cancer....there is no cancer..."

This was the point where my emotions overcame my pride and I cried. I cried partly because of Wendy and John. I cried partly because my imagination was sparked; faith and hope were fueled by love. I realize that God doesn't always do things that way, healing takes many different forms. However, just when you come to a point where you lose sight of the hope and the weight of the world seems so dense, we, the people of God can tell the stories where Yahweh provided (even to those that aren't sitting at your table). Today the manna fell. Today I will eat.

Picture Share!

2006-04-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

Faith

2006-04-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

Faith is dynamic and constanly coming and going. I was sitting in a Bible and the topic was Faith. I came up with my explanation; always pushing and proding and moving me, almost a constant nagging. Which in my mind is a good description of what my life has been for most of my life. I have never come to a place where I am just 'normal', there has always a constant issue. Faith is surely a thing we experience in many different forms.

Faith hope and Love

2006-04-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

It has been on my mind some time about these three words which are near the top of the core beliefs 'essential' to the Christian life. Here lately, I have been thinking about faith, specifically do I have faith that my dad will receive healing. Oh how I desperately I long for the healing to come, every ounce of my mind, body and spirit groan for the light of Christ to invade his body and bring it to a fullness of his youth. Then I started thinking, this is Faith. A hope of things unseen. Hope is "a feeling or desire for something to happen" which is exactly the fuel that lights my prayers--- my faith is stretching to place is hasn't been. It is being pulled into a deeper reality of things seen or experienced at a given time. My faith is only because of the Love of Christ. The love that has been shown to me in the community in which I live. When I think of Christ and his love, I often go to Matthew and read the story where he is walking around the city and see's the lame and affected (spiritually and Physically) and the texts says he had compassion for them. The greek word their isn't "a feeling sorry for" or "a compassion that was empty" but rather it was a "moving of the bowels compassion." Christ, deep within himself, his human body--felt compassion and it caused him to act. The compassion, this love, is where I find my faith. This place where my sin is so evident and Christ hand reaches me. This place where I am the whore Gomer and Hosea always comes back to me and ask for my hand in marriage. This place where my faith begins is my acknowledgment of His love that covers me. This Faith is where Healing comes.
So as I write these words, my faith is being renewed. My spirit leans on this love that I find in Christ which is played out in the lives of those around me, in family and friends. As I write these words my spirit groans for healing to come, will you groan with me? Groan for things unseen, for a living hope, for an alternative to the life of this reality.

update on Pop's

2006-04-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

Travel to Houston. Get checked by the specialists. Get Chemo. Tired. Week off. Work, Family, church, peace. Get Chemo. Tired. Week off, work family, Church, peace. This has been the routine for the past year with our Family. No, we don't all have Cancer, but we do. Dad, is the one with Physical ailment, and our family, friends, community enters into his story with him, so in a sense we all have this need for healing. It has become our story. There have been times when all we need is sleep, there is times that all we need is peace, and there is times when all we need is Laughter; we have experienced this: the fullness of the Christ lived out inside of community.

We now come to yet another time when our back is to the invading army and directly in front is the Red Sea. This is a place where have been before, its a place that we looked to God and he made provisions, we see the stones that have been laid out that mark this point where God did the impossible. To speak vividly, the cancer has subsided and there has been no new growth. This was were we first were at the Red Sea, now here we stand at another place where we need God to speak, to provided, to send provision from above. This time its a surgery on the Liver/Colon. This time the outlook is better, but by no means allows us to think we can do it by ourselves. We still, call on the name of the Lord in our time of need, and we rely on the peace of the spirit, and the community in the midst of our trial. For truly, Dad is not one person with a illness, yet we are a family, a community, a people of God on the move. We all have illness, we all need the daily food, we all need each other.

The technicality, Liver resection and Colon resection over a month period. This procedure is been preformed a total of 10 times at the cancer research center. As of today we just know the time frame is 2-3 weeks, and the prognosis is good.

rising sun

2006-04-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

Today is Easter and I almost forgot. LIke many evangelical, "contemporary" church goer--- I have no real sense of the resurrection season. I have always thought of myself of a very liturgical fellow, but this lenten season, I have let myself down. If you go back and read my blog you would see my Ash Wednesday service entry; I received the the ashes and started the season strong only to be let down by lack of participation from me and lack of information from the church. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going to the church I am at, but there is no real Liturgical form or tradition. I understand, its strictly protestant, but I am not. Yes, I could go to another church for my liturgy, but I didn't. Now I am left here, writing my blog about lack of connection to the community of God, having to be reminded of the Joy of Easter by one of my Catholic friends at the local coffee shop. "Christ has risen!" She pronounced. My response, "Indeed, Christ has risen!" There has to be a better alternative, more than a middle ground when joining the worlds of Christianity. "Christ has risen....Christ has risen indeed!"

Are porn Stars in the Bible?

2006-04-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

I was recently interview for an article for Phillipray.com, here is the transcript from that interview.

Q: “What are your feelings concerning the recent cover for XXXChruch.com new Bible design?”
A: “Well, I am glad you asked! I think its a great representation of the culture. I get really excited and burst at the seams, whenever I see the church begin to actually live within the culture they find themselves in."

Q: “Does Jesus really love Porn Stars?”
A: “Again, thanks for asking. The answer, I think we both know, “Of course!”

Q:”Do you think there needs to be a special cover for the Holy Bible?
A: Now this is a very interesting question. First, what makes things “special” per se? I mean maybe we should ask ourselves that great question that always directs our thinking back to the ways of the Lord, “What would Jesus Do?”
No really, I think if people judge books by their cover (which we all know we do) then the cover should deal directly with the contents of the book. I think the slogan, “Jesus loves porn stars” is a pretty good description of the outright revolution that the Bible is comprised of from Genesis to Revelation. I mean who would think that Jesus would love those that the church turns away so often?

Missions

2006-03-06T15:00:00.000-08:00

Why do we start out the "Gospel Presentation" with the description of sin?

Lent

2006-03-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and the beginning of lint. I participated in Episcopalian service at St. Matthew’s in Farmers Branch. Every-time I go to a “high liturgical” church I am reminded of the beautiful prayers and order of the reading of scripture and communion. There were about twenty-five people gathered into the sanctuary. There was no microphone, the lecturern was off to the side to signify the power and respect for the Holy Scripture. We had the ashes placed on our head while we read through the book of common prayer about the sinfulness of humanity. The Fr. told us “From dust you were made and dust you will become.”

I identified with the ash and realized the magnitude of not only my sin but whole world is fallen to the same thing I had succumb to, the darkness. It wasn’t long before my thoughts went to the book Hebrews and the humanity of Christ. It was then I realized that he who knew no sin, felt the darkness of the soul as a man. To the point, which he had blood and tears in the Garden. The Cross might have been the place where he died, but it was the garden where I identified with him on Wednesday.

Lent is a time not of just fasting and prayer but of a recognition of the Darkness of sin. Sin not of only yourself, but the sin in the community of faith, and also the world. This recognition can be lived out through the ashes of doubt in the normalcy of everyday life. Somehow noticing the ashes gives one a different outlook of the sins of others. The ashes leads to the Cross, it leads to the forgiveness and pardon of those that we live life around. The Ashes will not lead to judgment but to the stepping stones of what the entire Gospel is about, Love. The ashes are a symbol of death, dying and doubt. As we all know, these are realities of life that we try and run from but always they seem to find us, even here in the the Gospel message, the Ashes are here for us. However, the midst of our lives, the Ashes can lead to light that overcomes the darkness. Let the Ashes wash over us and realize that we are not alone. Let the ashes lead us to the Light.

room for faith?

2006-02-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

"My faith has plenty of room for science, and my science only strengthens my faith..." Neo, from ANKOC.

This is the first major statement that Mclaren points out. Just like the ancient Greeks, Mclaren uses dialogue to hit deep issues, that at first glance are superficial. This is true for myself as well, the more I learn about science, the more I see the beauty of the Creator.

As you may Know, I am attending the University of North Texas working on my Biology Degree. As I sit in my classes I try and separate myself from my 'Christian' world view and try and see all the lesson from a 'normal' world view. However, its not long before I sense the order of creation and the overwhelming beauty that causes me to stop and meditate. As I look at the Periodic table, I can't help but imagine that I am looking at the finger print of God, or work with calculus and see the magic that numbers bring to life. Then there is evolution, either way it happens, life gives birth to life and I get to study the paint strokes of an amazing painter.

Truly, my faith leads to science which in turn leads to faith. Not a faith that pulls out the sinners and separates from the unholy, but a faith that is mystified with beauty. A faith that always allows questions and doubts in order to see the error, to test the theories, and never come to a conclusion where thinking stops. A faith that always evolves. Truly my life is one that is lived in the middle of knowing and always seeking, pursing yet satisfied. A sort of living faith.

more thoughts on doubt and faith

"accountability group...."

2006-02-24T08:48:00.000-08:00

I just started reading A new Kind of Christian, for the third time. I am reading Mclaren's book this time because a friend of mine, who is employed by a Baptist church wanted to start an accountability group on Tuesday mornings. I am very excited to see what questions and dialogue that will arise from our reading ANKOC. Our First meeting was last week, we started off with some complaints about the 'Emerging Church.' He said, "There just seems to be a lack of respect for the 'Facts' the Bible offers to the Church, concerning the Faith." I agreed with him and followed it with a statement like, "Its true that the "Facts" are brought under question, But what does the questioning offer the Church? Does this dialogue strengthen or weaken the faith? Maybe it does both? Just maybe it weakens, our personal faith for period of time in order to strengthen the "Facts". Can't wait to see the path we travel!

P.S. Does the Bible offer Facts?

Kingdom of God

2006-02-06T14:36:00.000-08:00

I had the opportunity to sit in a service this weekend where the topic of conversation was the 'Kingdom of God.' Its hard to be completely bias's in my comments since I hold such a hard view of the church and the interaction of modern thought to the Bible, But that thought aside, I can say I am happy to hear that the Kingdom conversation is surely coming to the forefront of the church world. Anyway, the service at least got me to re-think my view of the kingdom of God in my life.

The speaker point was that the church, individually and corporately, should be "billboards" for the 'Lost' to see so they may know of 'our savior.' In addition to advertising, the Kingdom was used to show, how everything we possess is God's so in turn everything is God's. Both of the points, I have to say, I agree with, to an extent. However, the Kingdom of God is much more than personal salvation---right? Can I say that? Let me explain or try to.... I believe the Kingdom of God is to be a active force in the world, but not just to occupy and to make other Christians. The entire message of Jesus was letting the Jews and Gentiles know, that it is indeed 'at hand'. I do believe that this 'at hand' wasn't referring to the future afterlife, that most evangelicals live for---death. This 'at hand' seems to mean just that, Jesus was offering an alternative to the live they were living. Maybe the Kingdom at hand meant that the focus shouldn't have been on a King that would come to run out the Romans, but rather to bring heaven on earth. Maybe it was a call for those that were in the church to be a force, not of the powerful elite but of the meek.

my date with the black snake

2005-12-20T10:19:00.000-08:00

After 36 hours of hunger pains, 35 trips to the bathroom, 45 tucks medicated pads, two bottles of the Fleet magic drink, one stopped toilet, my colonoscopy is over! (Yes the above numbers are right) After looking back, I would like to take a moment and acknowledge the individuals that made all this possible. First, my dearest girlfriend, Constance was an inspiration to me. She lovingly provided a "pass the time" bowl (pun intended) that was packed full of games and additional needs that aided in my time of distress. For her, I am truly thankful! Then there is Carolyn--someone to be my ride and to scratch my nose when my fingers failed me. Also, she was there to catch me when I fell at Panera, and didn't dig into the deep dark secrets when I was confessing all my imperfections. A humble Thank you goes out to you!

Then there is my dad, the faithful that has gone down this road before me. I would love to tell him thank you for all the support he gave me, but, in fact, that would be a lie! Instead of crying with me during my terrible rectal pain, he only taunted me and threw food in my face and had a smile thoughout the entire day. Shameful.....

in the end (pun intended), its not bad, thankfully the drugs allowed me to ignore the pain and also gave me a few laughs and some good stories to tell over Christmas dinner.

One thing I am still wondering.....How did I get my clothes on after the procedure?

remember...

2005-11-21T11:10:00.000-08:00

I was surfing today and I ran across this article from Geez.com. The author is writing about the sell of "Christian" toilet paper. At first glance, I was shocked. But as I read, he was talking about how this toilet paper was recalled and moving towards caring for the creation. I think he comes us with some really good points

"But I don't think we should be giving our toilet paper the label 'Christian'. I like to reserve the term Christian for describing people who follow the teachings of JesusÂin both inward and outward ways."

"So when mainstream society settles for war, excessive shopping and urban design that celebrates individualism and degradation of the environment, 'Christians' should be seen speaking for peace, moving towards voluntary poverty and using community-building, earth-friendly forms of transportation."

"It's not easy to act on all our principles. It's easier to shop."

to read the full article go to
http://www.canadianmennonite.org/vol09-2005/9-14/inconversation.php#article3

Aiden Enns is publisher of Geez magazine, coming Fall 2005 (www.geezmagazine.org). He is a member of Hope Mennonite Church in Winnipeg and on the board that publishes Canadian Mennonite.

breathe

2005-11-14T09:24:00.000-08:00

Doc's in Denton say no cancer in Lungs. They want to do resection of the liver late December. Things are looking good---there seems to be a divine touch, a mystery of a close reality that has been not seen with the eye! That’s the details of late of the Physical condition of Dad, however, there is so much more to this tale than just the "seen."

To judge reality by what is seen with the eyes is just naiveté and completely foolish. The two worlds of heaven and earth have been brought into one world, this world in which we live. If you were to ask the Hebrews of old about God, they would respond with a loud voice, God walks among the people. Isaiah tells us to walk humbly before the Lord. Genesis is a story of God among his people. The disciples after leaving the upper room would testify about these two realties, indeed live in one realm. Make no doubt about it, we are God's people, living in a world that is not residing into two separate realties, as in Platonic thought, but rather God is among us caring, judging and leading his people.

This earthly, unseen reality is evident through what we normally refer to as faith. However, this unseen reality has come to be seen through the life of my dad. When I hear the word faith, my fathers face comes to the forefront of my mind. I can imagine the Israelites having Passover and retelling stories of Abraham's, Noah, and Moses' fatih. Having the Israelites sit down on Passover and after having killed the Lamb and eating dinner recalling the men of Old and being encouraged by stories of Faith. I can't help thinking the same things as I sit and recall the many conversations with my father. In light of chaos, there seems to be a presence of Peace and willingness to call the Kingdom of Heaven on his personal life, family, and his world. This is no small task and I am fully confident that this is not on his own strength. Where there should be sorrow, there is Joy. Where there should be turmoil, there is Peace. Where there should be tears, there is laughter. It makes me think of the sermon of the mount, Jesus uses pictures and layers which seem to be totally opposing forces of reality to collide and the outcome is not what we expect. This truth is evident in the unseen, yet seen through the soul of my Dad, and I am confident that God will work healing around this faithful follower. For I am sure that Paul was right when he wrote, "..in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It is this love, that no one can draw a line to, it’s this unseen reality, is the reason why I believe. It is this Faith that I have seen and testify, and it is by this Faith that I now live.

church growth?

2005-11-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

The other day I was asked, "What are you?" I was being asked what church I attend. I responded with an awkward, "I...I....well you see I grew up in the Methodist Church, but now I go to a Baptist Church.....but its not what you think!" As I was talking, I heard myself say "Baptist" Church and I choked and had a hard time breathing. Do I really go to a Baptist church?

The truth, I go to a post-Baptist, evangelical (notice the lower case "e", see A Generous Orthodoxy by Mclaren) gathering place. A place that encourages those that falls short. A place that challenges the Christian culture, and that come to the text with a new beginning and sense of wonder and mystery. However, its traditional as far as the music and preaching goes, yet it doesn't downplay tradition, yet downplays a lazy tradition full of nonsense and motions.

It has been my experience that a Bible church emphasizes the teaching and spoken word as seen through the Bible. In a southern Baptist church, you have the Bible and conservative reflection along with a righteous life; the mantra of my Baptist Brothers. In a Methodist church, you have a group that loves tradition, swims in Armenian theology while making sure to have an unbiblical hierarchy of church leadership. First, let me say, all things aren't necessary bad and most are needed. However, there seems to be a distraction of what we started our faith journey towards. In the beginning we have zeal and grace, fueled by a desire to see people who are "lost" come to know the Lord. Somewhere along the way, we get caught up in religion and theology and succumb to the committee’s procedure. We lose our sense of Grace and trade it for a "Gatekeeper" theology, where we say who is in and who is out. Please know that, the church today is doing well--people are loving and serving and reaching out--and God is working. However, there are still so much to be done---there is another group that has been lost thought the cracks, truly there is always the "other."

What are we to do? Are we just to forsake the Bible, or lose our tradition or live lives that don't reflect the Glory of God? By no means! (Hell No, Translation from Greek :) I believe we must lay down our security and seek the mystery. This may look different for you than it is for me. For the Bible church, maybe its approaches the Bible without the answers. For the Baptist, have a beer with a co-worker ;) and try to see things in Gray instead of Black and White. For the Methodist, change the communion time up, invite a Baptist over (and not drink)--look at the doctrine of predestination with an open mind as a body and struggle through the hard questions and not arrive at an answer. Once we approach the "other" and lay down the security we think we have in our policies and committees and theology's, we might learn something about ourselves, others, and God.

If we have do what we have always done, we will get what we have always gotten...

the pattern

2005-11-04T09:26:00.000-08:00

What is the difference between a Bible Church, Baptist Church, and a Methodist Church?

(Sounds like an start of a joke doesn’t it...)

order of worship

2005-10-30T10:16:00.000-08:00

What should be the focus of form and content of a weekly gathering of the community of God? This question continues to surface in my world. In the beginning, I told myself it wasn't the right question to ask. Which worked for a time, but now it is back and I need to ask myself, even if it is the wrong question (its my blog!). For starters, I think it should be focused on the 'heart' of those who are active in the community. That is, before the sound board gets moved, before microphones get in place and before you pick the music, there should be a heart felt prayer for God to intervene and descend on the community. Without a humble servant attitude, there will be no context for worship. Before we give our offering, we must first seek forgiveness and repent, not only with interpersonal relationships, but also between the man and God.

coffee talk

2005-10-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

Why does it make me angry when a couple of young life leaders hang out and I overhear them talking about being, "saved" and "church" stuff? Really, I am a Christ follower and I am deicated to the cause--so why do these feelings linger? You might ask me, "Phil, what are you holding against the Church?" My respone, Hey, the Church is the bride of Christ, and it has never fully arrived to perfection. I am upset at the Church recently because I guess I hold it so close to my heart. I am tired of my sunday school picture of church, and I despertley want the people I go to school with to know the love and hope of the Father. I want my friends who are gay to live a life a freedom alongside the faithful labors in the church who have so much insight and wisdom, but will that ever be the case? I am confident that once we began to live beyond our sub-urban feneces and live life in the raw, somewhere along the way we will see the face of Christ, not in the church listening to the five points of theology (he nodout is there), but, also will be eating with the ones we wrtie off so easily.

sacred beauty

2005-10-26T13:17:00.000-07:00

“…we need to stop approaching the Bible only to confirm what we already think we know, and instead come at it like children, beginners—with a second innocence, as some interpreters call it.”
-Brian Mclaren

Several question emerge in my head when the Bible is brought up in modern circle of thinking. First, what is the purpose of the Bible? Secondly, How have we placed the lens of modernity on the Bible and how we come to the conclusions at which we arrive?
There are times I am in love with the Bible and other times I want to raise my hand and throw the Bible out the window! Just when I come to a sense of understanding I read something that throws everything off and I suddenly start to question myself. After much inner dialogue I realize that its in this paradox I see something I never would have seen if it weren’t for this tension.
I believe the Bible is from God written by men, using their language and inside their culture. However, I cannot sit through another sermon that takes this amazing collections of writings and reduces to simple truths where all mystery has been taken out so that I can feel better for the upcoming week. It happens all across the country ever Sunday morning. Preachers preach sermons and strip the bible and squeeze the moral truth so that we can live a nice life and raise a nicer family. However, I can’t say that this is all bad (no matter how much I can’t stand it).

Modernity taught us that to understand the whole, we need to reduce it to the parts. We are taught this as small children and taught all through our teenage years. Then we practice this philosophy in life. To understand a car, we take it apart and reduce it systems which do a specific job. Doctors do the same thing, reduce the body to set of systems, which have organs, those organs have tissues which perform a set of objections to make life possible.
Do you know which artery, (a vessel which carries oxygenated blood throughout the body away from the heart) carries no oxygenated blood? It’s the pulmonary artery. The pulmonary meaning lung in Latin, takes blood just received from the inferior and superior vena cava then pumped to the right ventricle. From the right ventricle its it thrown into the pulmonary artery where it goes to the lungs and receives oxygen. From there it taken oxygenated blood through the pulmonary vein to the left side of the heart and sent through the aorta. You ask any doctor and they can tell this process with little hesitation and less excitement. I am glad that they know the details and am thankful they have commitment their life to this field. However, there is a sense when we reduce the whole of the body to simpler terms we lose a sense of the mystery and wonder of it all.

This Is why I have a hard time sitting through a reduced systematic sermon. The bible is an amazing and glorious text full of mystery and story. Instead of taking the Bible as a moral code book, we should encourage each other to experience the wonder and mystery of it. We should take the Bible as we look at a wonderful work of art. We should look at it with as the same eyes that an artist sees shadows on a dusked painted sunset. The bible is a wonderful story filled with paradox’s literature genius. Take the story of Creation for example. The first thing that many church leaders want, is to prove that God is Creator and one day is 24 hours, end of story. However, creation is a picture of God. The details I would rather leave to the imagination. I want to sit and watch a flock of geese fly by and think of the story found in Genesis 1:1, in the beginning…..God created those flocks, and he gave them instinct to fly north! God isn’t done creating, yet creation story continues as God continues to create. We need to approach the Bible, “…more like a lover of landscapes and less like a miner looking for a hill to strip-mine for a quick and saleable product.” The more and more I am learning about God in the post-modern world—I sense that the “Christian” life isn’t based on a one-time experience—yet it continues to take on the creation story. Our story—our conversion story is more than a simple prayer and even a swim in a pool, yet it goes much deeper and looks more like a dark path full of exception, imagination and wonder.
So where do I go to church—or where do I want to go, you may ask. I want to go to be a part of community that incorporates many different aspects of the faith. Concerning the sermon, I want to be made to question what I hear from the sermon. I want to be overtaken by the text—I don’t want it to be boiled down to something I can wrap my mind around—cause in reality—who can explain the ways of God. Maybe the Bible is a book to lead us into questioning and puts us in community, rather than a text book which one can study by ourselves.

emerging trends

2005-10-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

My dad just arrived back from Houston. Many stories he brought with him about the, "Walking Dead." MD anderson is a Hospital full of cancer patients and their families. A place that you would expect would be full of sorrow, fear, and death. However, the opposite is true of this 'Cancer Hospital.' Many stories of Life and Faith seem to emerge from there trip. Many people that are sick, yet are hopeful, wanting to live life. There are countless stories of people who my parents were asked to pray for, or to put in the words of sara, "Are y'all prayer warriors?" "Can you interceed over me?" "I'm in need of Christ touch!"

This is only the tip of the iceberg...many, many more stories....

For my dad, they are giving him the strongest mix of chemicals--a deadly dose for the Cancer. Since he is young, good health--they are going big. They are taking 9 weeks and re-evaluating. The doctor said, "This is our chance--we have one chance at this--this deadly dose is the only chance. After nine weeks, we can hope for a miracle. I have seen miracles..."

Now this might be bad news--but that is what i have been praying all along and really the only choice we have---All we have is God, thats all we ever had, and is all we ever need. I can just envision nine weeks, writing again quoting from the doctor, "Well, all i can say, we have seen a miracle...."

It is this future hope that i rejoice and that I now live.

medicine and theology

2005-10-24T13:56:00.000-07:00

I have heard it said that God is the great physician, if this is true why be interested in medicine at all? I believe that there is a great deal of work that needs to be done to bring these two worlds together. In Bible College and seminary, you learn the theology and the way to read scripture. Somewhere along the way, you have a class concerning counseling and working with the distress and hurting people. When you look at the Church, it consists of a number of people that are hurting and are in need of a tender ear and gentle word.

In the health related field, you have hurting people not only with physical issues, but often times are coupled with a magnitude of emotional stress and if left untreated can lead to metal health issues. In a perfect world, you get treated by a physician and also have the support of the local community of Christ. However, increase with each day, the amount of people who become ill, while they seek medical help, there is still a void, for they are not apart of a local community.

Where does the responsibly fall?