January 7, 2007

My Dad has passed away. Honestly, I don't think it has hit me yet. For now I am thinking deeply about life and death, love and hate, anger and joy. It is a hard time. It is a hard time.
I am looking forward to writting about life and death in the coming months.
For now, I will leave you with the notes I prepared for his memorial service.

Psalms 24 (introduction to the temple)

Tom Ray was my Dad. However, he wasn’t really mine, he was loaned to me and my family, from the Father. Today we grief his loss, but please hear me, its not a empty grief. It’s a grief filled with hope. It’s a grief full with expectation of something better. We grief today, but its not empty. Today we hope in and remember the resurrection that swallowed up the law of sin and death. Today is in fact a celebration. Today we celebrate as a community not only the life of tom ray, but also the fact that the resurrection is all of our future. Let today refresh your commitment to our God. Let your spirit be romanced by the songs, the words, the stories, the pictures, the life. Take a breath. Inhale. Exhale.

Truly, when I talk about my Dad, there is so many things I want you all to know. I want you to know he was a good man, but I bet you already knew that. I want you to know that he modeled what a Godly man should be for his family. He was our Spiritual leader. I want you to know he would read the scriptures to me and my brother every night. I want you to know that he woke up every morning to read the word, pray for me and the rest of the family (I think he was praying that I would move out!). I want you to know he was an honest business man who wanted to grow his the business but not the expense of the relationships he had made. I want you to know he was a simple man, founded by strong principles and a living and active faith in a loving God.

Some of his famous quotes, that I am sure will live on with and my family…

“Get a good job and a good education and you can buy your owe…”
“I am talking about the “R” word”
When I was whiney about school/work he would say “Do you know how many times I missed work/School I can count them on one hand!”
“True religion is helping the widow & the orphan, being a voice for the voiceless, knowing God and making him known.”
“I am what you call, a Business Man”
“Phillip, stop that…”
“George Bush”
“Midnight Cry”

Long talks about the church and how we should be the church.

Things he loved…
“Hot Dr.pepper?”
“Buying uneeded power tools”
“Playing Softball”
“Watching wheel of Fortune”
“Working…
“Eating cinnamon rolls from Panera—we shared this love!
“He loved Guatemala, he loved the people of Guatemala, he loved to serve…
“Buying cars---“
“Buying electronic Devices” if it had a on switch he wanted it.

Its hard to think of Dad and not to mention Carolyn. For he was a lover of Carolyn. I was able to see how A Godly Man treated and romanced his bride (often times I told them to get a room)---I had a front seat to watch two souls over 12 years turn into one. I saw Jesus in Dad. I saw Dad, Love His Bride, Just as Christ loved his Bride, the Church. I saw Love in action.

Just as I saw Christ in Dad, I too saw Christ In Carolyn. Throughout this whole process, I have tried to keep up a weekly blog on just my thoughts.
I would like to read one my entries from my blog from this past summer.

Jesus lives in my house. I see him every morning as I go through my morning routine of waking up half past nine, drinking coffee, catching up on World Cup news. When I get home, he is there. When I sit down to eat dinner and watch wheel of Fortune, He is there, often times eating with me. Sometimes he even helps with laundry, cleaning, and even jumps into conversations with me. I see Jesus every day at my house. My dad sees Jesus every day too. Every morning after my dad's shower, Jesus touches his body and packs his wounds. As he is packing his wounds, he prays and sings over his soul giving confront and peace. Jesus lives at 3101 Dunes Pl and services us daily.

If you want to see Jesus just look at my step mom, everyday Jesus uses her hands, voice, and soul to serve my Dad. With every meal cooked, prayer prayed, and wound packed she becomes more like Jesus.

John 13
2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He took his clothes off (totally exposing himself, which for a Jewish man was total humiliation) pulled his water and washed their feet. For the son of man did not come to be served, but to served.

Today, I know Jesus in more real way.

Today, We are losing a friend, a brother, a son, a father, a husband. We have lost, and our hearts hurt deeply, as they should. However, I think it would be a greater lost to miss this opportunity to see Jesus this time of such pain.

I believe God hides in difficulty, He hides in the stories of our lives. Whatever our circumstance, whatever the status of our lives, God is present===Invisible, hiding, waiting for us to discover him, waiting for us to learn from Him in the shadows as well as the light.

Let us grief, let us grief well.

Desperation leads to faith. Faith is berthed out of desperation. Hope is a call of the heart and mind for something better, and to hope for something better you have to believe there is something else out there.
Christ never leads us to security. If anything, Christ leads to more desperation. So why does anyone want to be lead to Christ? Is it because we will have, "Life with out end?" Or maybe, "one day those that have been our enemy will pay for their sins against us who are inside of the cult?" I would venture to say that Christ leads us to a place where we are ruined. We have been given a vision of an alternative life that we are invited to live NOW, not some faraway battle straight from the left behind series. Christ, out of our desperation, leads to a invitation to become co-creators with him on this glorious planet that he created. Its out of our "ruinedness" that we take part in proclaiming the richness of this alternative life.

No, there is no security, and no you might not have success. No, things won't go your way. Its not a membership, a democracy, or labor union. This alternative invitation can't fit into those models, its something different. No, you don't have to become "one of us." There is unity among the diversity. So what exactly is this alternative? Its messy, its up and down, and its filled with good and bad times. Its true community. It’s a group of people that hurts, laughs and lives life with you. The requirements? First, you must be broken. You can't pretend to know it all (people in the Bible already did that and they ended up killing Jesus). You must be totally desperate. You can cuss, drink, be gay, and be adulteress. You Must be a lover of lust, greed, and all other kinds of wickedness. You must be one that invents ways of doing evil. But above all you must realize you are all these things and you are desperately tired of not fitting into any mold. You must be desperately wanting something more.

Desperation leads to hope, hope leads to faith, faith leads to Christ.